First off we would like to apologize for our long silence. But if any of you have ever read book four of the Anne of Green Gables series you will understand that for good writing you have to have just the right pen. And by pen, I mean, the right setting, enough time and energy, and inspiration.
Anyhow today we would like to ease some wrinkled foreheads, relax some tense shoulders, and calm some panicky hearts with some simple observations.
Your friend calls you and says that this guy she knows just asked her out for coffee. She is in a panic--wondering what she should wear and if her hair looks better up or down. She wavers between outfits--wanting to look good, but not too good. She isn't even sure that she likes him but she wants him to like her nonetheless. You hang up the phone after 30 minutes of breathless chatter and you think "wow, what was she all worked up over? It's just coffee." Then it hits you that if you were in her shoes not only would you act the same way but you would be mentally critiquing his every move at the date, wondering what it would be like to kiss him, planning your wedding and naming all your kids.
If it is Hollywood-level amazing you are practically engaged by the time the night is over. However if you leave that first date unsure if you could marry him you are in a panic. After all most of your married friends tell you that they "just knew right away." So if you don't know, something must be wrong with you or the relationship.
And here we would like to interject our first observation--WHAT RELATIONSHIP? It was 1, as in uno, as in une--- date. You are not committing to marriage or even a second date---but neither should you be afraid to say yes if he asks you out again.
Newsflash: Unless you have know this guy REALLY well prior to dating him it is highly unlikely that you are going to have any clue about whether or not you can marry him after one date. It will take a lot more than one interaction for you to determine if you can commit to spending the rest of your life with this man.
So why do we feel like we have to know right away?
1. The Risk Factor: We don't want to risk investing in a relationship that could end. It seems too scary.
2. Fear of the Unknown: We fear the future and struggle to trust God with what may or may not happen
3. The Control Factor: We want control and matters of the heart often feel beyond our control. We need to trust that God will be with us and in control of all our days.
4. The Fear of Being Known: We fear that the true "bearing of our souls and the telling of our most appalling secrets" will cause us to come up short of his expectations.
5. The Friend Factor: Your well-meaning friends--who love you and desperately want you to experience marital bliss, pile on the expectations. You go out for coffee and you come home and your roommate says, "So, is he the one?"
So in the end our advice is:
Trust God
Be willing to take risks
Ignore your friends silly questions
and
Please go out for coffee and remember, it is JUST COFFEE!!
