It's just coffee

First off we would like to apologize for our long silence. But if any of you have ever read book four of the Anne of Green Gables series you will understand that for good writing you have to have just the right pen. And by pen, I mean, the right setting, enough time and energy, and inspiration.

Anyhow today we would like to ease some wrinkled foreheads, relax some tense shoulders, and calm some panicky hearts with some simple observations. 

Your friend calls you and says that this guy she knows just asked her out for coffee. She is in a panic--wondering what she should wear and if her hair looks better up or down. She wavers between outfits--wanting to look good, but not too good. She isn't even sure that she likes him but she wants him to like her nonetheless. You hang up the phone after 30 minutes of breathless chatter and you think "wow, what was she all worked up over? It's just coffee." Then it hits you that if you were in her shoes not only would you act the same way but you would be mentally critiquing his every move at the date, wondering what it would be like to kiss him, planning your wedding and naming all your kids.
If it is Hollywood-level amazing you are practically engaged by the time the night is over. However if you leave that first date unsure if you could marry him you are in a panic. After all most of your married friends tell you that they "just knew right away." So if you don't know, something must be wrong with you or the relationship.

And here we would like to interject our first observation--WHAT RELATIONSHIP? It was 1, as in uno, as in une--- date. You are not committing to marriage or even a second date---but neither should you be afraid to say yes if he asks you out again. 

Newsflash: Unless you have know this guy REALLY well prior to dating him it is highly unlikely that you are going to have any clue about whether or not you can marry him after one date. It will take a lot more than one interaction for you to determine if you can commit to spending the rest of your life with this man. 

So why do we feel like we have to know right away?

1. The Risk Factor: We don't want to risk investing in a relationship that could end. It seems too scary.

2. Fear of the Unknown:  We fear the future and struggle to trust God with what may or may not happen 

3. The Control Factor:  We want control and matters of the heart often feel beyond our control. We need to trust that God will be with us and in control of all our days. 

4. The Fear of Being Known: We fear that the true "bearing of our souls and the telling of our most appalling secrets" will cause us to come up short of his expectations. 

5. The Friend Factor: Your well-meaning friends--who love you and desperately want you to experience marital bliss, pile on the expectations. You go out for coffee and you come home and your roommate says, "So, is he the one?"

So in the end our advice is: 
Trust God
Be willing to take risks
Ignore your friends silly questions
and 
Please go out for coffee and remember, it is JUST COFFEE!!

The Masks

This weekend I (Toad) did something that I have not done before. I took a roadtrip by myself further than 3.5 hours away. I don't mind being by myself. And I don't mind spending hours in the car alone. But there was one moment in the trip where I crumbled and thought "I really hate this." I had stopped for gas and it was well after dark. The gas station was busy and well lit but I am a single pretty girl alone and that was enough. Before opening my car door to get out and without even thinking I pulled out my "don't mess with me or I'll kick your butt" mask and slipped it on. I got out of the car, filled up my tank, went inside and paid for my caffeinated beverage and walked back over to my car. As I slipped into the car I ripped off my mask with relief and that is when I thought "I really hate this." What do I hate? The mask and the fact that I feel like I need it at all.

Maybe you feel like you can't relate. But I think that if you consider carefully you will realize that even if you don't wear this mask that there are others you frequently don. 
Perhaps its the mask of the "fake fine,"  the one you wear to try and convince everyone, including yourself, that everything is okay when it is not. Maybe it is the mask of independence & strength---used to convince those around you that you don't need them when inside you are crying for help. Maybe the mask is not just figurative---may be it is those layers of make-up (and I wear it, too) that you carefully apply daily to mask the blemishes, hide the fatigue, and somehow live up to someone else's expectations. 

The reality that is that the Lord is pleading with us to remove the masks and throw them away. You see, when I breathed out "I hate this" as I got in my car and slammed the door I realized that the very thing that I hated (the mask) I was self-inflicting. I was frustrated by the fact that I felt like I needed the mask---I was alone (not an uncommon experience for an unmarried woman) and I was afraid. But then I realized that I was wearing the mask because I was believing a lie.---Because, the truth is, I am never alone (and I could never kick anyone's butt--my five foot four frame is just not build for that :).  I am indwelt by the same God who "made the stars also." Jesus Christ, who is Lord of my life, came to the earth as Immanuel, "God with us" to suffer the awful separation from the Father for my sin so that I would never be alone. 

No matter what mask you are wearing or what lie you are choosing to believe the Lord Jesus is asking you exchange the lie for His truth and to trust Him with your life and situation. 

We are called to follow the truth: The One is the TRUTH says, "If you abide in My word, you are truly My disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." John 8:31b& 32

* If you want to read more about the "masks" that we wear and the truth of our position in Christ I recommend you read Grace for the Good Girl, by Emily Freeman

Getting ready

Wait! What are we getting ready for? The next chapter in your life of course! Whether it's High School, College, Dating, Marriage, or Children we're all patiently, or most of us NOT so patiently waiting for the next step, the next Chapter, whatever the Lord has for us next and hoping it happens SOON!

In anticipation of the next climactic life event, we throw ourselves into preparing for whatever it may be, getting ready to move away to college to working on the resume to win Mr. Right, to nesting in preparation for the stork's arrival.

We strain our eyes and crane our necks like an alpaca looking for that next thing, meanwhile missing all the blessings right under our noses!

Blessings? What blessings? I'm simply waiting for the dashing Mr. Right to come in a sweep me off my feet, put a piece of hardware on my left hand and whisk me off to our fairy tale wedding and dream honeymoon and we will live happily ever after. Today is just another day to work on the ol' resume and so I think I'll go bake some cookies, fix that leaky sink and scale Mount Everest, in hopes that he'll be impressed.

By the time that's all done, I've burnt my fingers on the hot pan, hit my head under the sink and the closest I got to Mount Everest was googling it from my living room.

The day is almost done when a friend calls me to go on a walk where I enjoy the most beautiful sunset, a lovely chat with a friend and the cool Autumn breeze. Simple blessings.

Simple, everyday gifts. I realize that in the busyness of preparation for the next chapter I almost missed the innumerable blessings the Lord has given me TODAY!

Sunshine on my face
A child's laughter
Plants in our apartment that are STILL alive! (Trust us...this is a small miracle!)

It's in learning to see the everyday blessings and living in the here and now that we will become more content.

Philippians 4:11 & 12 says:

For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

Learning to see the everyday blessings the Lord has given, deepens our appreciation and love for Him and all He has blessed us with. As we give thanks for today we learn to live for His glory today, entrusting Him with our tomorrows.

Flirting: the good, the bad and the ugly

Alright, stop squirming. 

We know that some of you are saying "What, good flirting??" We know, because we thought that too. Until we took a step back and started to examine what flirting is,  and why humans enjoy engaging in this dangerous pastime. 

Because it is customary to save the best for last we are going to examine the bad and the ugly first. So get comfortable and don't even think about skipping to the end ;)

Have you ever watched a good friend flirt with a guy that she really likes? You thought you knew her; in fact you have been friends for several years. Then she morphs into this giggly, hair-flipping, eye-batting girl who suddenly is taking interest in cars, steak, and Chuck Norris. It leaves you wondering what happened to her-- your once normal chic-flick watching, tofu-eating, make-up wearing friend. Believe it or not she is still in there somewhere, behind the mask. 

The mask is worn to hide who she really is. She is trying to create a persona that she thinks will attract or impress. She wears the mask because she is insecure; afraid that if anyone really knew her they wouldn't like her. 

But we are called to lay aside the mask. Paul reminds us to live according to "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things... practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8&9)

"Bad" flirting is that which does not align with this list. 

It is 

1. deceptive (pretending to be something you are not),

2. dishonorable (not honoring to the other person),

3. unjust (it is not kind or fair to toy with the heart of the other person),

4. impure (without pure motives--having your own pleasure in mind instead of the best interests of the other person),

5. And unlovely (this is where the "ugly" comes in though often this is not apparent to you but it is to all your friends).

By now are squirming again--because you are perhaps recognizing yourself (instead of your friend) in this description...you are not alone, we have been there. We hope by the grace of God to learn to lay aside the mask. 

And now for the good news.... (you can stop squirming now)

We never really thought that there was a good kind of flirting til we were enlightened by a friend that flirting in the context of marriage is completely appropriate! This is because good flirting is part of the pursuit and the pursuit should not end when the marriage begins. 

Outside of marriage we believe that flirting can be a part of the intentional pursuit of a woman's heart when done in accordance with the principles of Philippians 4:8. 

This may leave you wondering...what am I supposed to do? As women God has designed us to enjoy being pursued. We believe that this means not initiating flirting but responding to the pursuit.   

Ultimately our interactions in all relationships should be in obedience to these words "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant that yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

 

The Pursuit of Happiness?

To Pursue, or not to pursue, that is the question.

Have you ever been told  "there's nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting" or "why don't you give him a call and ask him to hang out", or "now's your chance to make your move" ???

We don't know about you but we've certainly heard these types of things an awful lot and often from well-meaning, godly people whom we respect and admire. However we've recently become convicted that the Bible has other thoughts concerning this issue. 

Question A -There's nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting
"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised" Proverbs 31:30  A little harmless flirting can be a whole lot of deception. It is often pretending to be something that you are not, in order to impress someone. That someone is actually your brother in the Lord who deserves your respect." Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." 1 Tim 5: 1b,2

Question B - Why don't you give him a call...
"Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me" Psalm 56: 1 (just kidding...this is the vortex after all) But seriously, isn't that what we all want? To BE pursued. Although we took this verse completely out of context, we are trying to make the point that if this WAS the case...we wouldn't even have to consider picking up the phone and giving him a call.  The Bible doesn't just come right out and say the men should be the pursuers, but we believe that the model of Scripture is that the man is to be the leader of the household; if he is to be the leader of your household, he should be the leader or initiator of your dating relationship too. Our limited experience has shown us that women are designed to be pursued and men are designed to be the pursuers. 

Question C - Now's your chance to make your move
Unless your name happens to be Ruth, making your move is not likely to result in winning you a Boaz. Making your move however could result in: the destruction of a friendship, repetitive awkward meetings, and leaving you feeling confused by unmet expectations.
There's no easy answer to this question, but to wait on the Lord and trust in His perfect timing...so here we sit, in the vortex...

waiting....

and...

still waiting...

wait...

WRONG ANSWER! This is NOT what it means to wait on the Lord. Waiting on the Lord is the idea of a servant waiting on their master. Waiting on, is not an act of sitting still, but a readiness to anticipate the Master's need and fulfill it. Imagine for a moment you are a regular at the local diner, the waitress knows your name, has your hot coffee poured before you even sit down and can predict what you're going to order within two guesses. She knows you like your eggs over easy, and that you always ask for Frank's hot sauce to put on them. You never have to ask her to "top off" your coffee, 'cause she already did. You leave each time feeling loved and well cared for, knowing your unspoken needs were anticipated and met.

THIS is what it means to wait on the Lord, to serve Him with THIS eagerness, THIS Love and THIS anticipation. Focusing your attention all on HIM and serving the needs of HIS body here on earth. This is what we should be pursuing.

Why Vortex?

Life in the Vortex...no cell reception, no tv signal and no boys.

And what, you may ask do those three things have in common? 

Well, let us tell you--life as a single young woman can feel disconnected (like our lack of phone service), isolated (with no news of the outside world, like our lack of tv) and lonely (where are those men anyways?)

So this is a story about what makes us laugh, what makes us cry and what makes us pull our hair out (figuratively, of course). 


We intend for this to be a safe place to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of walking as a Christian single young woman in the world today. We invite you to journey with us as we seek above all to examine what it is that God desires of our hearts; rejoicing in Him and resting in His peace throughout our days. 

Sincerely yours, 
Frog & Toad